literature

Fighting Depression

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Literature Text

There is weight on my chest
It pushes and pushes
It suffocates me, and will not relent to my cries
It fills me with doubt and self-hatred
You are ugly, old, and useless!
What have you done?
What exactly have you accomplished in this life?
Your prime is slipping away,
And all that is left is that slow ride to death
You should have tried,
But you just gave up
Pathetic
You are pathetic, and your life is pointless

This same demon comes to me many times
In my past it almost claimed me
Your mother is dying
She is the only one who understands you
She is the rock you built your life on
Now you schooling is slipping
You don't seem to care about anything anymore
Why don't you just give up?
Why try anymore?
I opened the pill bottle
I wrote my note
I went to sleep...
...but I woke up again

Depression is horrific and absolutely controlling
I have struggled with it
Fought with that great demon
All of my life
When I write
When I give you these words
Not only are they for you,
But they are also a reminder to me
A reminder why I cannot give up
A reminder of why I have to live

In this great expanse of universe
The majestic and beautiful cosmos
We are only the tiniest speck
Our lives are like whispers in the wind
We are born, we die, and the universe goes on without a care
So why?
Why try?

Because god dammit this life is worth it
There are people out there who are like you
People like me, who fight it everyday
People who are hurting
People who are crying
People who have a pill bottle next to the bed
People who have scars on their arms
Some people mock people like us
Some people think we are weak
That we are just mental cases
But, I imagine there are more of us everyday

This world can be so unrelenting in its evil
So uncaring in its mercy
And shame on us for giving up on each other
That is the worst thing we have done
We have given up on each other

Well, I'm not going to give up on you
I'm here
And I'm alive
And as long as there is breath in my body
I will fight with you
Side by side
We will prevail
We will be beautiful
We will overcome everything
And we will be ourselves
And we will be happy
And the rest who laugh at us as we struggle
Well, you can just go to hell
Because as long as I am in this universe
I will try to see it as heaven.

For all those who could not face the struggle
For all those who have lost someone to it
Know... I understand
I feel the pain, I see the hurt
With all of my heart
With every cell in my being
Know, that I love you
You are my family
Every person on this planet
I don't care if you hate me
I don't care if you don't care about any other person on this planet
I love you
And I forgive anything you have done
You must also forgive yourself
Let go of the regret
Let go of the darkness
Look in the mirror
Look at your body
Your imperfections
Your silly face
Your quirky smile
Look at yourself, because you are beautiful
This world would mourn your loss
We would all mourn your loss

I love you, even if no one else seems to, I love you
Don't give in
Don't give up
Don't let depression end your life.
This is for all the people who suffer, for all those in pain. I know what it's like. Robin Williams death has forced me to do a lot of thinking. Please, if you ever need someone to talk to, note me. I will respond. Know that I am here, if you need me. I can't make it go away, but I can help fight it with you. 

Peace, Love, Guts
© 2014 - 2024 Theoddra
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Leanndra51's avatar
Powerful and deeply felt words, Travis!  Been there too and doing much better.  Hang in there and don't give up!